sleepytimejunction | ❧ open rp

[ It takes a moment. He finds he’s more cautious than he thought he was capable of. He doesn’t know what he did and he doesn’t know how to avoid doing it again.

In the end, his hair seems like the safest bet. Less directly attached to Alucard than his skin is. He pats it awkwardly before combing through it with his fingers. ]

This okay?

[The patting is-- weird. Kind of like he's a dog or something. Fortunately, it soothes out quickly with fingers combing through. He licks his lips, then nods again. Slowly, he starts to breathe with more ease, taking a palm and rubbing at his eyes roughly.]

It's fine.

[His fingers dig into himself.]

I'm sorry. [For ruining it. Ruining everything.]

[ He really, really does not know what he’s doing. Whether this is helpful. Whether Alucard is just tolerating it. It should be someone else here. Someone less fucked up. ]

Don’t be.

[ What else is he meant to say? What do you even do about this? He’s only really good at making people miserable, not at making them stop. ]

What did I do? [ It’s the only place he can think of to start. How to avoid this happening again. ] That’s all you have to tell me. How not to fuck up.

Don't-- hold me down like that. They--

[No. Wait. That's not something he needs to talk about. They don't talk about it, they don't breach into the past however long it's been. So he stops that, and just clarifies:] Just that. Everything else was fine.

It isn't your fault this time.

They?

[ There’s a new tension in him at that. Concern. A stupid part of his demanding who are they and what did they do as if he hasn’t known for a long time that there’s no sense in trying to make things right. But no. He doesn’t need to know. Even if he did, he told Alucard that he wouldn’t have to say anything more. ]

Don’t answer that. I won’t do it again. [ A pause ] Were you hoping I’d make a fuss over ‘this time’? I can act offended at you it it helps.

[For a moment, he tenses at the question. It makes him think for a moment, how blind and desperate he had been for companionship, and how he convinced himself he could live in cold solitude after.

It's like having the wound ripped open again, left the scab as Trevor relieves him of an answer. A part of him wants to explain, but not as much as he doesn't.

He huffs out through his nose, then shifts as he rolls over to face Trevor.]

It isn't the same if you fake it. It would feel patronizing.

[What he does do is reach up tentatively to take Trevor's hand, then presses his cheek into it. It's rough with calluses, but warm. Not like how Trevor generally is.]

Please. My acting is far better than hers. You'll never know the difference.

[ This is more intimate than he's used to, but it's not as uncomfortable as he expected it to be. Alucard isn't such a pointy bastard that his cheek doesn't fit nicely into the palm of his hand.

After a moment he moves his thumb, lightly stroking it over Alucard's cheek. ]

Ah well, I'm sure you'll have other opportunities to piss me off.

Yes, but now I know you'd be acting.

[Oh. That's nice. Honestly, he expected Trevor to pull away, but he doesn't. The thumb over his cheek helps, and he sighs softly.]

Mm. I'll do my best.

[Quietly, he adds:] Thank you. For staying. Sort of ruined the mood, though, didn't I?

Just a little.

[ He lies down again. It seems like a better option than just sitting on the bed. If he's going to be making awkward attempts at being the person they deserve him to be, he should at least be comfortable for it. It means he has to let go of Alucard's cheek for a moment, but he returns his hand when he returns. ]

I'll be honest, I- don't really have a fucking clue how to do this.

[ How to make things better. How to be the person that they need him to be. How to be any comfort at all. ]

[It's better like this, he thinks idly. Having Trevor beside him so that they're both lying down. He appreciates the hand returning to his cheek.]

The fact that you're trying is enough, Trevor.

[He'd genuinely expected him to leave, wouldn't have blamed him even. This is unexpected, but more than welcome.

Perhaps the crack needed for both of them who had been so resistant to really speak about anything in depth.]

Maybe you've been alone too long. And I was too convinced that I should be as well.

Maybe.

[ This? This feels more overly intimate than the sex, in truth. The sex is just a means to an end, whether that end be not feeling alone or not thinking at all. This is different. ]

Come here.

[ He slides his hand forward, across Alucard's cheek. Under his ear and through the shorter, softer hairs at the place where neck ends and scalp starts. Until his hand is at the back of Alucard's head, and he can pull him closer. Into a somewhat cautious kiss. ]

[Oh. This is... unexpected as well. Softer than he could expect.

He lets himself be pulled in, knowing he's safe with Trevor at least. No ulterior motive to kill or harm him. Closing his eyes, he leans into the kiss, even if it's too careful and oddly sweet, but it's about what Alucard wants right now.

He definitely can't help the happy tears rolling down his cheeks.]

[ Alucard's lips are softer than Sypha's. It's to be expected, he supposes. His lips don't crack with the cold weather or from worrying at them. Not in any lasting way. It's almost laughable, how chaste the kiss is considering what they were doing only a little while ago.

And he's crying. Trevor pauses for just a moment. Concern crosses his face as he brings his hand back to brush at the tears, because he has no idea what else to do about them.

It's another moment before he realises that they're happy tears. ]

You're fucking ridiculous, you know that?

[That earns a sharp yet brief laugh, and Alucard cups his hand over Trevor's.]

Fuck you. I don't need to hear that from someone like you.

[Turning his head, he hesitates, almost shy a moment before he's pressing his lips to Trevor's thumb.]

You need to hear it from someone, and I'm the one who's here.

[ It's good, to bicker like this. Makes everything feel normal again. Like they didn't wander off thinking they could fix the world because they were riding the high of one lucky victory. Like they just stayed here.

They didn't. They can't change that now. But he sigh contentedly at the touch of Alucard's lips against the pad of his thumb. He can reach out with his other arm, drawing his fingertips slowly down Alucard's until he reaches a hand. ]

I'm here. [ He repeats it, softer, sounding a little surprised with himself. ]

[It's the most normal he's felt in awhile. And he'd be foolish to think that Sypha and Trevor could stay forever, but... it's enough. To hear that they're here.

He squeezes Trevor's hand gently.]

Thank you.

[It's all that he wants right now.]

❧ open rp - adrian/alucard

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