sleepytimejunction | fear the old blood

fear the old blood

[Rumors travel around in Garreg Mach fast. Most of the time, they're baseless and don't really catch Ashe's attention; he's admittedly more interested in making sure he's performing well. He has a roof over his head, and he wants to keep it that way, so he keeps his nose out of trouble.

But there is one that hangs on his mind. That there's something deep in the bowls of the church, a monster, a beast. That particularly bothers him, hangs over his mind, makes him think about how beasts have been improperly revered or maimed in the past. He's seen it in all manners by now. If the church does actually have a creature they're harboring, he can't help but wonder why.

It wouldn't be the first church to keep secrets, after all.

Ashe eventually decides that having all the facts won't hurt. If he's wrong, then he'll be happy to be. If he's not, well...

That's why he has his sword strapped to his back and his gun at his hip. He has more items he's harbored since the days before Lonato officially adopted him, most of them locked away in a trunk just in case. It's night, and most everyone is back in their dorm rooms. There's security, but Ashe knows their patterns enough to keep out of sight. He's spent his life as a thief, then as a hunter, now a student; he can manage.

It takes a bit of research, but he does find a secret path that starts in Rhea's office and extends to a rather old fashioned elevator. He opts to not use it in case it causes noise, instead climbing down the chain as he makes his way.

He doesn't expect what he finds, a grand room under the monastery, deep inside, full of stone caskets.

And something else.]

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Something beyond comprehension. What is a monster when it is revered rather than despised? She hides herself in a church while I lie trapped in a tomb. And yet the nature remains the same; only the perception differs.

[His arms tighten a little around Ashe.]

I have never thought it was piety that induced her to keep me this way. Once I believed it was to spite me for my sins against her friend the Emperor. But now I wonder if it must benefit her somehow, to keep me.

I think she must have been ancient even when I first met her. A creature knows another creature; we resonate. She is old, and she is powerful. And I have never seen a look so terrible as the one she wore when she received the news that I had gorged on blood at the Tailtean Plains.

[Something beyond comprehension. Like realizing what you have been seeing all along, laid out before you, yet still not quite understanding, going round and round and unknowing. Never enough eyes to brighten a dull mind. Seek Paleblood to transcend the Hunt, lest the nights go on forever.

Ashe lets out an airy, humorless laugh and buries his face against Dimitri's chest, as if that would somehow chase away memories haunting his mind. No, it's fine, that's all in the past. Surely.]

There are a lot of things out there that people don't understand, or choose to revere.

[That much he does know.]

I'll find an opportunity. One way or another. Maybe when all of the knights and Rhea herself are preoccupied with something else; that'd probably be our best shot. But we still need a place for you, and I won't be cruel to keep you in my pocket.

But I would be so happy to reside in your pocket.

[Ashe's laugh rings hollow, and as Dimitri holds him close, he almost thinks he senses a tremor running through his young hunter's body. Small wonder, then, that he takes a coaxing, lighthearted tone, and seeks to tease him back into a happier mood.

How could he do anything else? When Ashe's moods are dark, his own world dims to shades of gray.]

You seemed so pleased with me when I took an endearing form for you.

[That does make him smile wryly against Dimitri, and he turns his head to rest his cheek against Dimitri instead of trying to bury himself away from everything else.]

Hmm. I could make you a small pillow. With a small blanket. Take you to classes with me.

[He chuckles, then shakes his head.]

...I want to give you freedom as true as possible. But we could ease you into the world above to get you used to things. Life in Fodlan is much different than you last saw it.

So you have told me. Kings no longer rule, and princesses are princesses in name alone...

[He hums a little, mulling over that.]

The girl, the von Hresvelg. Will you sit and tell me more of her?

Oh. Edelgard? Sure, I can try. We don't talk very much, she and I, but she seems very practical.

[Leaning in, he presses his lips to Dimitri's cheek before encouraging the both of them to sit against the coffin. Not terribly comfortable on a stone floor, alas, but they've both dealt with worse.]

Let me think... she's directly descended from the emperors of the past. She used to have siblings, but they all died very young. Disease, people would say. She has a very dedicated friend in a man named Hubert, who I'm pretty sure wishes he was actually a vampire. [Ashe smiles wryly.] But Edelgard herself takes every challenge seriously and puts her all into it. Anything from studies to even ballroom dancing. She's very determined, but I figured that's because she has a lot of pressure on her.

I see...

[He settles in next to Ashe, moving until their bodies are flush against one another, pressed in close with no space remaining between them. Like this, it's easy for him to reach over and take Ashe's hand, weaving their fingers together with graceful care.]

She must be a girl in robust health, to have survived where her siblings died young. Is she bold, then? Spirited, headstrong? Or is she soft-spoken and chaste, and gentle in her nature?

[Idly, Ashe looks down at their intertwined fingers, smiling to himself as he gently squeezes Dimitri's hand.]

Soft-spoken? Gentle? Ah, I'm afraid I wouldn't describe her as those things. She's well-mannered, but certainly bold and determined. She clearly has plans for her future and won't let anything or anyone get in the way of it.

Good. I could hope for nothing more; it's good to know there is still fire in the blood of the Emperor's lineage.

[He tilts his head, pressing a kiss against Ashe's hair.]

The Imperial family had a daughter, when I still lived as a man. She was offered to my brother as part of the peace accords, once the Empire had conceded its defeat at our hands.

[He hums, leaning eagerly into the kiss on his head, smiling to himself.]

Hm? I see. Is that why you're so interested?

[Ashe glances down at his own feet, wondering idly.]

What was she like?

She deserved better than her lot.

[Another kiss drops against Ashe's hair, before Dimitri turns his head and rests his cheek against the same place instead, closing his eyes and holding him close while his voice turns distant and low.]

She had eyes like yours, green and wide. For a long time she was the heir apparent — the emperor's only child. She was raised to succeed him, given anything a future ruler of nations could need in preparation for such a task. ...Until her infant brother was born, and our rebellion meant the Empire ceding away a vast expanse of its territory.

[He sighs.]

To hold on to power longer, he removed her from the line of succession, naming the infant as his heir. Now he had a daughter to trade away to make an alliance, and a throne of his own to keep for many more years until the boy was old enough to rule on his own. And through Ishilde, the sons and daughters of Loog would still have ties to the empire; if something should happen...

[He squeezes Ashe's hand.]

They would be cousins, someday. The heirs of Faerghus and those of the Empire. And if any of Loog's descendants had been childless, a tie could be traced back to Adrestia, and an Imperial son or daughter would have a valid claim to the kingdom's throne.

A good way to keep everything clean and tightly knit. The Kingdom gets its independence, but just enough of a link back to the Empire as necessary.

[It doesn't matter as much now, but he can see how messy that is. To suddenly end up as just a trade, collateral, instead of being valued as a person.

It's horrible.]

You're right. She deserved better. I hope that Loog treated her well.

He...never married her.

[He holds Ashe tighter, his fingers more tensed around his than comfortably entwined.]

Her father forgot that an heir is not unmade so easily. Certainly not one trained to take on an empire as vast as Adrestia. She was cunning, and determined, and headstrong. Perhaps she was much like your Edelgard is now.

She came to me, instead. The younger brother. And at a time when I was already...resentful, scorned as I was for my deeds in battle. That damned Emperor, demanding retribution for my victory, the battle I won to deliver my brother a kingdom...

[He squeezes his eye shut, miserably.]

We all underestimated her. Her father most of all — to assume that removing an heir's title would make the girl underneath any less a future emperor.

Dimitri...?

[Ashe holds the hand up, brushing his lips over Dimitri's fingers.]

What did she do?

[This almost sounds like a confession. Perhaps something that will help put together Dimitri's story.

His secrets.]

I turned her. To keep her for myself, and take her away from her father.

[He laughs under his breath; it's a terrible, quivering, ragged sound.]

She was angry, as I was. We were companionable souls, both stripped of that which we felt we deserved. Her empire. My nobility. She said — that they would have their alliance, but only if they recognized both of us as legitimate. It would save me. It would liberate her. And I so wanted a victory that would be solely mine, a triumph that no emperor or church could ever take away...

[He hangs his head, trembling.]

And then she was gone. And the trial of a general in wartime is a very different thing than that of a monster under a cease fire.

I didn't know that turning her would make me love her, but even now my love burns like an unquenchable thirst. My Ishilde. My Ishilde von Hresvelg, who was never mine at all, because she was never anyone's but her own.

You turned her...

[There's no judgment in his voice, just quiet observation. It... rings something inside of him that he can't quite unravel.

For now, he focuses on Dimitri and his tale.]

I... suppose I would say that Edelgard is quite a bit like her, then.

[Never anyone's but her own. Yes, that does make him think of Edelgard, the determination in her eyes, like she has a path she must carve for herself. Perhaps he should actually talk to her, one day, but at the moment his heart aches for Dimitri.

He reaches for him, touching Dimitri's cheek.]

C'mon. Look at me.

I appreciate you sharing that with me. It makes sense why you were drawn to learning about the von Hresvelgs right now.

I've tried to stop. I don't want to ache for her as I do.

[But slowly, guiltily, he does raise his chin, peering at Ashe from beneath his long fringe of golden bangs.]

In your arms I can forget, but she is never gone from me. Forgive me, I beg you.

Ah, you silly vampire.

[Gently, he works his hand free of Dimitri's so he can properly cup his face. Leaning in, Ashe kisses the bridge of his nose.]

Even humans can't move on very well. And you have had nothing but time down here to dwell on the past. It's not very surprising.

I'm sorry about what you've been through, but you don't need forgiveness from me.

...S-Silly...?

[A little gobsmacked, he blinks, startled by the endearment and the affection alike. To have lost Ashe now would have been all but a death blow to him, or so it feels. Yet Ashe does not reject him, or even seem upset by the confessions he's made; quite the contrary, he indulges him, lavishing affection and acceptance that makes Dimitri's black soul and blacker heart feel golden and light.]

You asked me once, do you recall, if there was anyone I was close to in the days when my brother still lived. I did not answer you then; I'm sure you suspected, but said nothing.

Just as you asked me never to turn you, and I said you might someday wish me to, to escape a different fate.

Oh, very silly.

[A small chuckle escapes Ashe, and he smiles at the vampire. The Doll lifts her head thoughtfully, gazing at the two of them, but saying nothing.]

I remember. And you avoided the question. I assumed that it was better to leave it alone until you wanted to tell me. I know how that kind of thing can go.

I can't imagine if there'd be a day that I ask, but I guess it's good that I still have a boon left, hm? You never know.

If ever I did, I do not think I could bear to be apart from you. To be without you would be as though I were without a part of myself, and I have lost my Ishilde already.

[He shakes his head, leaning down to rest his cheek on Ashe's shoulder. It's a little bit comical, with the way he's so much taller than Ashe is while seated, but he's desperate for the affection anyway.]

I sometimes think that she is the reason Rhea despises me so. She has always favored the emperors of Adrestia. Perhaps avenging herself upon me is on behalf of the Empire she cares so deeply for.

[At least, that's how he remembers things being, all those centuries ago.]

[It's like a big clingy cat -- or at least, that's the first thing that Ashe thinks of, anyway. Probably a strange thought, but he can't help but smile to himself as he reaches up to idly scratch his fingers through Dimitri's hair. Should it be so worrying how much Dimitri has attached himself to Ashe? Possibly, but he's also starving for affection in his own way, too.]

I suppose that might be so. Rhea is a bit hard to understand, but she's good at having people believe in her.

But when someone is self-assured enough, they can convince most people of anything, I guess.

Do you suppose Ishilde is out there somewhere?

I...don't know. I am not certain if I would know if she is dead.

[He closes his eyes, contributing to the cat perception with a low rumbling noise that trills like a purr, for all that it's also rather unearthly in its tenor.]

What torment it would be, if she were gone. To languish an eternity, longing for her, and knowing all the while that she would never return to me.

I don't know what that's like. I've never had anyone waiting for me. At least, not until I went to the Dream.

[It comes out without thought, almost blurting it out. It makes him feel hollow for a moment; all of his family died over the course of time to various sickness and plagues, and Ashe never could help any of them. He stole to live, hunted to live, and killed to live. Friends were few, and those in his memories seem so far away. Likely they'd have abandoned Yharnam for brighter horizons, surely.]

Well. Maybe that's something we should consider when we get you out of here. Maybe we can look for clues on her.

...Where you met your Doll. She is the one who waited for you in this dream?

[No wonder he's so attached to her. And what a surprise to hear of how lonely his little hunter has been, friendless in the world and left without anyone to miss him wherever he goes or comes. How familiar a tale it is to someone like Dimitri. How saddening it is to think that it's an experienced shared by someone he cares for so much.]

But now you have me, also. Longing for you from afar, wherever you go when you are away from me.

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