[Obviously, Dedue isn't someone who suffers a lack of restraint. He's had it for the past few years he's been in service to Dimitri, after all. However, it seems like at the monastery, not many moments can be taken. It could be a bit frustrating, but to him Dimitri's reputation is far more important than his own personal desires.
It will have to be enough, the small things. The light touch he can give at the base of Dimitri's back when they're talking to each other about current matters. Fingers brushing. They are brief, but it must be enough. He'd never dare to cross more than that and cost his prince of anything.
It is late. There are times in which Dimitri steals himself away into the library, and for what Dedue is not entirely certain, but he does not ask. If Dimitri saw fit to tell him, he would. The most he can offer is his service and company.
So he brings a cup of tea. There is no one else, just the prince and his vassal.]
Your Highness. If you must insist in your task, then please be mindful of yourself.
[ Dedue is always there for him. He always has been, ever since they first met. Dimitri isn't quite sure he's worth it, though. If Dedue really understands who he's dedicating himself to - a beast pretending to be a prince. He tries, though. He buries his anger and hurt and strives to be that prince, to be someone worthy of his people in the future. That means study and working hard to achieve success.
But he cares for Dedue, too. There have been moments when he thought that it might be something more - when a touch lingered too long, when he found himself watching Dedue do some mundane activity. But that wasn't appropriate, was it? To think about such things. Maybe it was just another part of his beastliness - thinking of taking advantage of another young man who was so devoted he would do anything asked of him.
So how could Dimitri ever say anything?
It's a late night in the library when Dedue appears (seemingly out of nowhere) with a cup of steaming tea. Dimitri's eyes light up for a moment and he laughs a bit sheepishly. ]
I do, Dedue. Please, don't worry on my account. I'm... simply trying to make sure I'm prepared.
[His Highness asks the impossible. To not worry is not something he could fathom. He doesn't think of himself as earnest or eager to be at the prince's side, but that he needs to be prepared for his sake. So long as Dimitri would have him, Dedue would serve him with no question.]
[ Dimitri offers Dedue a little smile as he lifts his tea cup and takes a slow sip. There's no taste, but the heat warms him and helps him feel a little more energized. ]
It's always something of a relief to have you around.
[Even with Dimitri, Dedue was never the best with conversation. His answers are short and direct, but he always enjoyed listening to the prince. Dimitri was much more skilled and elegant by comparison, no doubt due to his upbringing.]
I have no doubt you would manage on your own. I only wish to relieve you of as many burdens as I am able.
[Some might call his loyalty blind. However, Dedue chose his commitment with all of his heart and soul. He could never regret this decision, only regret when he isn't strong enough.]
...I let my mind wander. At times.
[That's probably not helpful to console Dimitri's worries, is it? Dedue rethinks his words, and tries again.]
I am less tense when at the garden house, or choosing my own work. Or when I am with you. [Is that enough? He surely hopes so.]
That's rather flattering to hear, honestly. Sometimes I'm afraid that being around me just makes you... tense. All you ever want to do is look out for me and... well. I'm grateful, Dedue. More than you realize.
[ He pauses and laughs again. ]
Perhaps I should... tell you more often. Or at least say thank you.
[ He clears his throat. ]
In any case, I'm just glad you feel more relaxed around me. I simply wish that I could see more of your relaxation... or perhaps I'm simply missing it.
[The laugh does make him feel better. How too rare it is for Dimitri to sound more like himself away from others, truthfully.]
You never make me feel tense, Your Highness.
[Hopefully, that isn't too forward.]
It is likely I am simply not expressing it well. [Considering he's not very skilled in expressing himself in general, that's hardly a surprise.] ...But perhaps there are other ways to show you, if you'd like.
[ Dimitri does seem less rigid when it's just the two of them. Like some part of him feels as if he doesn't have to hold himself quite so straight or keep himself constrained. ]
[Often, he's watched Dimitri interact with others and place on a polite smile, convincing enough that he gives off a more traditional princely appearance. They don't always appear that sincere, but this one... feels more like the Dimitri he knows.
Dedue glances down at his own hands, like it's something he should keep to himself.]
I do not mean to concern you.
[Was Dimitri worried for him? That won't do.]
I also embroider. Attempt, I suppose. It is not always successful. [At least to his standards.]
[There's a pause. This is likely inappropriate. He shouldn't, he needs to be whatever Dimitri requires of him. But, he turns his hand, daring to let their palms touch.]
It isn't foolish. I often think the same, when the day is finished and you need not present yourself to pacify others.
When you smile and it is yours, not for someone else.
[ Oh. The touch of their hands, however brief, makes him start just a little. It's... soothing. He wants more of that. But is that truly appropriate? ]
I - I'm glad. I wish I could show you that side of myself more often.
[ He truly does, but it seems like a struggle at times. ]
[There's the temptation to hold on, squeeze his hand, but Dedue remembers himself. This is already too much, very likely. Perhaps Dimitri is too polite to pull away now? He hesitates, just a moment longer before he goes to take his hand away.]
You need not worry to do such a thing for me. The moments in which I find them are enough.
[He could never ask Dimitri to do anything more than he already has for Dedue's sake.]
[ Oh. Dimitri actus without thinking, closing his fingers around Dedue's hand as he tries to pull it away. He doesn't want him to leave. Not yet. ]
Dedue, you deserve the world. If anything, you do more for me than I've ever done for you.
[ His hand is warm; the callouses from weapons practice seem to fit perfectly against his own and Dimitri thinks his face might be flushing. He presses on. ]
I - I think the world of you. I don't know if I can put it into words.
[Dedue doesn't fight the hand holding his own, and slowly he closes his fingers.]
Your Highness, that is not so.
[He tries to fight off his own blush with some mild success. Lightly, he squeezes Dimitri's hand.]
Before you saved me, I yearned for death. I felt I had no purpose, and I was ready to join my brethren. You came to my rescue regardless of all that had happened to you.
...You gave me reason to live again. I cannot think of enough I could do for you.
[ Dimitri doesn't quite know what to say to that. He's always known that Dedue had strong feelings about him. How could he not? But this sounds... like something else? Or perhaps he's merely reading too much into it. He squeezes his hand in reply. ]
I would like you to live for yourself. But... if you have to live for me... I suppose that isn't all that bad a thing.
This is the path I have chosen. Not to repay a debt, but to see your ideals come true. I will be there.
[There's that part of him that wishes he could be a bit more honest. That he could indeed confess more properly, but Dimitri hardly needs yet another burden.]
[ Dimitri pauses, feeling a little ashamed, a little unsure. His heart is racing in his chest and for once he feels suffused with a warm glow. A sense of happiness. Is he being selfish? He doesn't know. ]
I-
[ He looks at him. Thinks of all the sidelong glances he's given Dedue. Thinks of the way he wants to spend time with him. ]
[What is he to say to that? He could interpret Dimitri's words a number of ways, but for both of them, it's something of a confession, isn't it? And yet...]
I ask that you correct me if I'm wrong with understanding what you are saying.
[There's a pause, and Dedue gives Dimitri's hand another squeeze. He thinks he has this right, and it would probably be only moderately embarrassing if he were wrong. Still, there's nothing more he cherishes than his prince. Nothing else matters, but that also means being wise to the reality of the world around them.]
I commit everything I am to you, Your Highness. I only advise you be cautious in what you choose to tell me next, for your sake. Not because of me. I would not be unhappy with whatever is in your heart. However, I know that there are so many who would not be accepting. Even now, there are guards and knights who whisper needless gossip.
[A Duscur man being His Highness' vassal is enough to make a difficult reputation. More than that would only harm Dimitri.]
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It will have to be enough, the small things. The light touch he can give at the base of Dimitri's back when they're talking to each other about current matters. Fingers brushing. They are brief, but it must be enough. He'd never dare to cross more than that and cost his prince of anything.
It is late. There are times in which Dimitri steals himself away into the library, and for what Dedue is not entirely certain, but he does not ask. If Dimitri saw fit to tell him, he would. The most he can offer is his service and company.
So he brings a cup of tea. There is no one else, just the prince and his vassal.]
Your Highness. If you must insist in your task, then please be mindful of yourself.
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But he cares for Dedue, too. There have been moments when he thought that it might be something more - when a touch lingered too long, when he found himself watching Dedue do some mundane activity. But that wasn't appropriate, was it? To think about such things. Maybe it was just another part of his beastliness - thinking of taking advantage of another young man who was so devoted he would do anything asked of him.
So how could Dimitri ever say anything?
It's a late night in the library when Dedue appears (seemingly out of nowhere) with a cup of steaming tea. Dimitri's eyes light up for a moment and he laughs a bit sheepishly. ]
I do, Dedue. Please, don't worry on my account. I'm... simply trying to make sure I'm prepared.
[ He pauses. ]
Thank you, though. You should join me.
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As you wish it.
[He nods once.]
How might I help you?
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[ Dimitri offers Dedue a little smile as he lifts his tea cup and takes a slow sip. There's no taste, but the heat warms him and helps him feel a little more energized. ]
It's always something of a relief to have you around.
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If nothing else, it does mean he can stand guard for him.]
I am glad that I can make you feel at ease, Your Highness. Let me know if you require anything else.
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[ Dimitri smiles and takes another drink of the tea. ]
Honestly, it's hard for me to say what I'd do without you Dedue...
[ He pauses. He wishes he could put more of his feelings into words. It's just - does he deserve that? Does Dedue really need to be burdened? ]
But I would like it if you relaxed a little.
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I have no doubt you would manage on your own. I only wish to relieve you of as many burdens as I am able.
[Some might call his loyalty blind. However, Dedue chose his commitment with all of his heart and soul. He could never regret this decision, only regret when he isn't strong enough.]
...I let my mind wander. At times.
[That's probably not helpful to console Dimitri's worries, is it? Dedue rethinks his words, and tries again.]
I am less tense when at the garden house, or choosing my own work. Or when I am with you. [Is that enough? He surely hopes so.]
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[ He pauses and laughs again. ]
Perhaps I should... tell you more often. Or at least say thank you.
[ He clears his throat. ]
In any case, I'm just glad you feel more relaxed around me. I simply wish that I could see more of your relaxation... or perhaps I'm simply missing it.
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You never make me feel tense, Your Highness.
[Hopefully, that isn't too forward.]
It is likely I am simply not expressing it well. [Considering he's not very skilled in expressing himself in general, that's hardly a surprise.] ...But perhaps there are other ways to show you, if you'd like.
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[ Dimitri does seem less rigid when it's just the two of them. Like some part of him feels as if he doesn't have to hold himself quite so straight or keep himself constrained. ]
I'd be interested to hear about them.
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Dedue is quiet a moment.]
In my free time, when I am calm, I work with my hands. It allows me some peace.
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[ Dimitri smiles. ]
I've seen you gardening once or twice. I enjoy seeing you so at peace, honestly. It's... reassuring.
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Dedue glances down at his own hands, like it's something he should keep to himself.]
I do not mean to concern you.
[Was Dimitri worried for him? That won't do.]
I also embroider. Attempt, I suppose. It is not always successful. [At least to his standards.]
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[ He reaches out on impulse to put a hand on his wrist. ]
It feels like... like something private. For just me. That's - oh, listen to me.
[ Dimitri shakes his head. ] I'm being foolish.
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[There's a pause. This is likely inappropriate. He shouldn't, he needs to be whatever Dimitri requires of him. But, he turns his hand, daring to let their palms touch.]
It isn't foolish. I often think the same, when the day is finished and you need not present yourself to pacify others.
When you smile and it is yours, not for someone else.
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I - I'm glad. I wish I could show you that side of myself more often.
[ He truly does, but it seems like a struggle at times. ]
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You need not worry to do such a thing for me. The moments in which I find them are enough.
[He could never ask Dimitri to do anything more than he already has for Dedue's sake.]
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Dedue, you deserve the world. If anything, you do more for me than I've ever done for you.
[ His hand is warm; the callouses from weapons practice seem to fit perfectly against his own and Dimitri thinks his face might be flushing. He presses on. ]
I - I think the world of you. I don't know if I can put it into words.
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Your Highness, that is not so.
[He tries to fight off his own blush with some mild success. Lightly, he squeezes Dimitri's hand.]
Before you saved me, I yearned for death. I felt I had no purpose, and I was ready to join my brethren. You came to my rescue regardless of all that had happened to you.
...You gave me reason to live again. I cannot think of enough I could do for you.
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[ Dimitri doesn't quite know what to say to that. He's always known that Dedue had strong feelings about him. How could he not? But this sounds... like something else? Or perhaps he's merely reading too much into it. He squeezes his hand in reply. ]
I would like you to live for yourself. But... if you have to live for me... I suppose that isn't all that bad a thing.
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[There's that part of him that wishes he could be a bit more honest. That he could indeed confess more properly, but Dimitri hardly needs yet another burden.]
To regret being here with you is impossible.
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Then... stay with me. For as long as you can. That's all I ask.
[ Which is dangerously close to a confession in of itself. ]
I would miss you dearly if you were to ever leave.
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As you wish, Your Highness.
[As if he could ever desire anything else than be by Dimitri's side.]
For as long as you will have me.
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[ Dimitri pauses, feeling a little ashamed, a little unsure. His heart is racing in his chest and for once he feels suffused with a warm glow. A sense of happiness. Is he being selfish? He doesn't know. ]
I-
[ He looks at him. Thinks of all the sidelong glances he's given Dedue. Thinks of the way he wants to spend time with him. ]
...do you know what I'm asking?
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I ask that you correct me if I'm wrong with understanding what you are saying.
[There's a pause, and Dedue gives Dimitri's hand another squeeze. He thinks he has this right, and it would probably be only moderately embarrassing if he were wrong. Still, there's nothing more he cherishes than his prince. Nothing else matters, but that also means being wise to the reality of the world around them.]
I commit everything I am to you, Your Highness. I only advise you be cautious in what you choose to tell me next, for your sake. Not because of me. I would not be unhappy with whatever is in your heart. However, I know that there are so many who would not be accepting. Even now, there are guards and knights who whisper needless gossip.
[A Duscur man being His Highness' vassal is enough to make a difficult reputation. More than that would only harm Dimitri.]
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