sleepytimejunction | ➵ this time kindness wins

➵ this time kindness wins

[It's been a miserable time for all, such is the nature of war. It still weighs heavily on Ashe's heart to know that Dedue is gone; he remembers fondly how tenderly the large man tended to the garden. How gentle he was, how kind and delightfully confused he was at the prospect of friendship with anyone. The world feels a lot lesser without him, and no doubt his death was the final blow dealt to Dimitri's suffering.

With Byleth's hands full as they are, Ashe takes it upon himself to go to the monastery at night, bringing a tray with him.

Dimitri is right where he expects, moodily glaring over the rubble that crowds the space. If nothing else, the man is easy to find right now.]

Your Highness, I have dinner.

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[ Hearing his name on Ashe's lips like this only drives him on until he can wait no more. Pulling his fingers out unceremoniously, he simply picks Ashe up to arrange him how he likes, against the stone wall behind him. Soon enough the tip of his cock is pressing in where his fingers had been and this is so much more. Given the quality of what they're using as lubricant isn't... great, it's rough, harder to push in, but eventually he does manage to pop inside and work himself in to the hilt after a lot of stop and go.

Once he's in though, he gives Ashe a few testing thrusts, something wicked on his lips as he leans in to bite at his neck licking along the line that leads up to his jaw as he starts to move, holding him up, helpless like this. ]

[It's somehow a terrible combination of feeling helpless to Dimitri's whims and finding his own pleasure in providing it to him. It's rough, almost bordering on too much when Dimitri sinks in to the hilt. The burn of it sears through him, but there's also pleasure as Dimitri buries inside of him.

He feels tears in his eyes, overwhelmed, especially just after he'd just come. No reprieve, but being overstimulated is oddly good too.

Ashe reaches up, placing his hands on Dimitri's shoulders, helpless to anything else.] A-ah. [He whimpers at the bite, but doesn't struggle.]

Ashe. [ The name comes out as barely a word but a snarl as he fucks into him relentlessly, biting and sucking on whatever bare patch of skin his mouth can reach. Every thrust is brutal and fast, driving into the archer like it's their last night on earth. There's still an undertone of desperation there. He's not rough because he wants to cause pain- he's terrified. Addled mind so full that he claws at the first thing that allows him any hint of clarity, and it's this. It's Ashe. Poor Ashe, whimpering and shaking in his arms as he bucks into him.

Even so, he can still see there's pleasure there. He thinks, if he slowed down, if he took his time. Curled Ashe up in his lap and made love to him properly, how good it could be. It could. He could- but he doesn't deserve. Ashe deserves someone who can be kind, soft, loving... he growls again, angry at himself. It doesn't stop his hips though, and at last, he buries his face in Ashe's shoulder and comes. It's a messy orgasm, strangling his voice and making his body go rigid as he fills the lithe man in his arms. ]

[The archer chokes when he hears his name. It's under a beastly growl as Dimitri's mouth is ravaging his throat and shoulders, marking him up. It still makes him shudder anyway, and he clutches on tighter.

He likes this. He wants to feel the aches later, and know that his prince had left them.

Finally, Dimitri finishes. It feels so hot, inside and out. He hurts, but he still feels good. Ashe's cock remains hard, pressed up against his own belly, twitching and sensitive. He can deal with it later.

For now, Ashe reaches for Dimitri, gently petting his hair.]

[ Something in him cools with that relief, and he actually looks at Ashe. Looks at the mess he's made of him. That same something in him clenches his chest. He can hear his own thoughts for the moment, and feel how kindly Ashe is touching him. His face turns soft again.

Fingers softly brushing against Ashe's cheek. He pulls himself out, sinking to the floor and taking the archer with him, holding him. Hugging him. ]

I am... so sorry, Ashe. I should not have- I hurt you, didn't I?

[There he is, Ashe thinks tiredly. A fond smile forms on his face and he leans into the hand on his cheek. The embrace is tender, despite what a horrible mess he is. He can feel spend running out of him, dripping down his legs, but Dimitri holds him anyway.]

It's okay. I wanted you to. And if I didn't... you'd have stopped if I said "no".

[There's no question in his voice. Dimitri is clearly many things, but the consent he hoped was clear.]

I'll be okay. It aches, but I, um... I like it. [He can't help but blush when he admits that.]

But I-

[ He's not even sure what to make of that. Is he just saying that? He didn't say no... but that doesn't help the blazing guilt he feels.

Very carefully, he props him against the wall long enough to pull up his own pants, and take off his cloak. Wrapping it around the archer's lithe form, he scoops him up and strides down the hall toward the baths. He's going to take advantage of these precious moments of clarity and at least try to be decent.

Ashe is still getting manhandled though, as the hot water is arranged for, and he lowers him into the tub. ]

Ah-- wait, um--

[But Dimitri does not wait. He uses his cloak to pick up Ashe, even though he's horribly filthy. It's very sweet, but he also can't help but think how messy the poor cloak will be.

He'll try to make it up to his prince, surely. For now, he finds himself being bridal carried away to a hot bath. It... it does feel really nice, and it makes it easier this way than trying to limp his way over, at least.

Ashe hesitates, then touches Dimitri's hand.]

Do you want to come in with me...?

[ For a moment, he considers just getting up and walking away. Standing by his little pile of rubble and contemplating how this makes him an even worse man.

There's Ashe though, and right now he feels... human, with him. Human and Goddess, it's quiet for once. He can hear himself think which is both good and bad.

So, just for now, he chooses to be a human. Just a little. Even if he doesn't deserve to be. He slowly unclips his armor and peels his old, filthy clothes off before very cautiously sinking into the bath. It's been years since he's used real, hot water. Usually a dip in the river was as good as it god, and he actually whimpers as he sinks into it. It's so good. He doesn't deserve this, but it's so good. ]

[There he is.

Right now, Dimitri looks so human. Ashe relaxes, and he scoots closer, just enough so he can lean a little bit against his prince.]

It's okay. I'm okay. I promise.

[ Arms curl around Ashe, and he pulls him close, maybe a little too tight. ]

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

[ He shakes, burying his face in Ashe's shoulder, and cries. It feels... oddly relieving to let it go. He feels worse for burdening Ashe yet again, but the floodgate is open, and realizing he could have potentially really hurt him, even if he didn't terrifies him. Knowing that he didn't want to do that. Knowing that he actually does care, no matter how much he tells himself he only wants revenge.

Even more, is that he wants to cling to this last sherd of humanity. ]

Oh, Dimitri...

[Though it breaks his heart to hear his prince weep, Ashe also sees the worth of it. Finally, just a bit more humanity is restored in this man. The embrace is tighter than is really comfortable, but he doesn't stop him. Instead, Ashe reaches up and pets a hand through his hair, inviting him to be as close as he'd like.]

It's all right. Just let it out.

[ Oh, he does. He cries until there's simply nothing left but that scraped out feeling. He can truly feel the fatigue in his body now, it's as though he's suddenly realized that there are real physical barriers. ]

Ah.

[ He can hardly fathom what the right thing to say is. He's emptied everything out now, but there's very little to fill the space. Just Ashe... so he slowly lays back, pulling the smaller man with him to rest against his chest, and hold him more loosely. ]

[He wonders how long Dimitri has held all of his emotions inside, at least everything besides his violence and overwhelming need for revenge.

Ashe slides with him, and curls his arms around the other man.]

I've got you.

[ He's quiet at least now. He just lays there in the water, Ashe on top of him. He's probably getting the water all dirty but he can't bring himself to move. He just tucks Ashe's head under his chin and stays in the moment.

For now, this mercifully quiet moment. There's some soft movement, his hands lightly stroking the archer's back, the kind affection that he should have given him to begin with. ]

[The stroking is tender, much sweeter than the man he was moments ago that had been outright ravaging him. But it seems also true to Dimitri's nature, someone who struggles with the violence in his heart versus how sweet and empathetic he is. Ashe smiles to himself, relaxing against him.]

Please don't feel bad over what happened.

[ He's absolutely going to continue feeling bad over it. The only choice is to take as good care of Ashe as he possibly can. He needs to... get himself together. He has to. He can't allow this to happen again. Even if Ashe did like it... did want it- he still scared himself. That was enough. ]

That's a tall order.

I will just- I will try.

Dimitri...

[Ashe pulls back a little and he hesitates. He doesn't want to make this about himself, but he also does want to know--]

Do you regret it? I mean, I could-- we don't have to bring it up ever again.

What? Oh- no I...

It's not like that. I don't regret doing that with you. I just... regret how I did it. I was cruel. I was cruel like I have been to everyone.

[ He wilts again, closing his eye. ]

I don't want to be cruel anymore. I don't know what I'll do now. How I will reconcile my debt to the dead, but I- you made me realize I can't continue as I am.

I kinda liked it, but... it's not worth it if you feel terrible about it.

[Ashe sits up a little bit so that he's more or less in Dimitri's lap.]

Dimitri, you're someone who's suffered more than anyone should ever have to. How much more do you need to suffer for those who have passed?

I want to do it properly for you... even if you do want things- ah. Roughly. I want to do that with love, not cruelty.

[ Ah. That. He turns his head, feeling that clutching in his chest again. ]

They demand it of me, Ashe. I cannot silence them, their voices follow me. I don't know what else to live for, if not for that. I am- I should have died with father. With Glenn. I should have perished in those flames. Yet why else was I left behind, if not to avenge them?

[With love. Right. That would make sense. Wouldn't Dimitri want to do that kind of thing with someone he loves?

Right now, though, Ashe focuses on what Dimitri needs. He reaches up, gently cupping Dimitri's face in his hands.]

When my parents died, I thought only about helping my sister and brother. It's easy to let yourself be consumed by those you've lost, the people you love. It's easy to think how hard you want to avenge them. Maybe it's not easy to deal with it, but sinking into that kind of thinking... it sucks you in.

You need to find a reason to live, not a reason to die. Even if you don't know what that answer is right now, please think about it.

I... I will think about it.

Thank you, Ashe. For never giving up on me. [ He closes his eye, enjoying the touch, even though he feels undeserving of Ashe's unending kindness. ]

Ashe. I do not deserve someone like you, and yet I- I promise I will do my best to do right by you. If you'll give me a chance. Wretch that I am, perhaps I can still be... I can do something good. For the living. For you.

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➵ this time kindness wins

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